I am in-between college and a summer of ministry, and in a worldly sense, doing nothing. Coming from a hard-working family, I have felt a slight bit odd volunteering my time to some church folks in need and helping my mother garden, clean-out, and work around the house as I wait for June 8 to arrive, especially knowing that I could have been employed with a well-paying job for these few weeks. This morning found me miserable, feeling useless, and basing my self-esteem on productivity. And not for the first time.
As I sat praying, nearly in tears, I somehow knocked my daily devotion book, My Life Today by Ellen White, and it turned of its own accord from May 19 to June 5. Curious, I began to read, and to tremble: "The Bible Shows the Way to True Happiness." 
I read of satisfaction found in a life of doing God's will, whether it seem small or great, of the importance of soaking up God's Word in order to impart His light to those around me. I read of true happiness, of self-esteem found in God, of doing everything for the glory of God instead of for the pride of accomplishment, of making God "first and last and best" in everything. Flipping back a page or two to June 3, I read "The reason why some are restless is that they do not go to the only true source of happiness. They are ever trying to find out of Christ that enjoyment which is found alone in Him" (158). That would be me.
I read of satisfaction found in a life of doing God's will, whether it seem small or great, of the importance of soaking up God's Word in order to impart His light to those around me. I read of true happiness, of self-esteem found in God, of doing everything for the glory of God instead of for the pride of accomplishment, of making God "first and last and best" in everything. Flipping back a page or two to June 3, I read "The reason why some are restless is that they do not go to the only true source of happiness. They are ever trying to find out of Christ that enjoyment which is found alone in Him" (158). That would be me.I thought I had been compassionately chided enough, but God wasn't done with me. I proceeded to read of David and how God sent him back to tend sheep, even
after telling him that he was to be the king of Israel and showing him that his destiny lay shining before him. David was placed in solitude, in a quiet, unglamorous, and humble occupation to grow his character into that of a true leader. Most importantly, David was content and joyful and totally trusting of his Heavenly father. His joy came from doing his Father's will and in patiently waiting for the time when God would call him to his next position. Ellen White says of David's experience: "But with new inspiration he composed his melodies and played upon his harp. Before him spread a landscape of rich and varied beauty" (159).
after telling him that he was to be the king of Israel and showing him that his destiny lay shining before him. David was placed in solitude, in a quiet, unglamorous, and humble occupation to grow his character into that of a true leader. Most importantly, David was content and joyful and totally trusting of his Heavenly father. His joy came from doing his Father's will and in patiently waiting for the time when God would call him to his next position. Ellen White says of David's experience: "But with new inspiration he composed his melodies and played upon his harp. Before him spread a landscape of rich and varied beauty" (159).I thought back on the week I have been home, and was reminded again that God has placed me here. I thought of my parents and was reminded of the time God has given me with them before I begin my job away from home and my third year of college--this time out in Michigan. 
I thought of my eighty-year-old grandmother, who I was on the way to see, my grandmother who suffers from dimentia and who did not remember me when I gave her a hug three hours later, and was reminded that a day with family is precious to someone living in lonliness. I thought of my mother who supports my father in his teaching position and who has been running evangelistic programs for our church, and was reminded that she will begin full-time care of my grandmother for no worldly recognition in a little more than a month. Finally, I was reminded and shown that Christ took a time of forty days and nights of fasting and prayer after His baptism to seek out His Father, in the world's eyes a waste of time--"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Cor. 1:18)--and that it was during this time that the devil tempted Christ in an attempt to sever His connection with God, fill Him with discouragement and fear, and draw Him away from His Divine mission.
I thought of my eighty-year-old grandmother, who I was on the way to see, my grandmother who suffers from dimentia and who did not remember me when I gave her a hug three hours later, and was reminded that a day with family is precious to someone living in lonliness. I thought of my mother who supports my father in his teaching position and who has been running evangelistic programs for our church, and was reminded that she will begin full-time care of my grandmother for no worldly recognition in a little more than a month. Finally, I was reminded and shown that Christ took a time of forty days and nights of fasting and prayer after His baptism to seek out His Father, in the world's eyes a waste of time--"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Cor. 1:18)--and that it was during this time that the devil tempted Christ in an attempt to sever His connection with God, fill Him with discouragement and fear, and draw Him away from His Divine mission.So, with a sprout of joy and a tadpole of humility, I am tending sheep, and singing.
Oh, and Lord-- thank You for the birthday present.
1 comment:
I can completely understand basing self-esteem on productivity... and also the tending sheep analogy both figuratively and literally. I spent nine months in Peru getting a glimpse of possible things God might have in mind for my life but had to return back to school; in some ways I've been grateful for the training so I will be more effective in the future, but at the same time it is hard to know that what you are doing is far less important than what you could be doing.
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